the break

i am returning from one month break in posting. maybe i was suffering from low confidence in my ability to write well, or a desire to write only meaningful emtires. and as i was rightly informed this weekend, that is not the purpose of a blog. so i am back... the good, the bad and the ugly.

this weekend i was able to escape the mundane boredom of living in my parents home in the suburbs. i had both a happy and sad reunion with the poor city i had called home for two years. as i drove down the side streets of the city and found people walking down the center of the road with total disregard for the side walk only a few feet away, my heart fluttered, i was back in the city i adore.

i had a great weekend away, and i was almost able to completely forget everything going on at home. when i returned to my parents house no one was home and i was still riding off the euphoria of the weekend my happiness. this was instantly crushed the minute my parents walk through the door. there is a dark cloud of stress that follows them everywhere they go. thought i try to be positive, i could feel the my own mood change, i could feel the happiness from my weekend just slip away. my mom is mostly to blame the depression this house puts me into. i am her outlet. everything that she holds in all day, or in this case all weekend, she unleashes on to me. i can't blame her because i need to do the same. but she needs to do this with a third party, with someone whose emotions are not already involved, and invested. i am on the fringe and she just pulls me into the darkside. but i can't tell her i don't want to hear it, because i think that would crush her. i am trapped, but i so desperately want out, i need an out.