the meanie

i have moved back to the suburbs into my parents house. tomorrow will mark the one week at my parents house. this has been a hard week, a very hard week. this whole experience is much different from being a guest. the guilt that was the driving force to the return home is still here, only now i feel guilty every time i am at the house and not spending time with my dad. i also have to see this cancer ever day, every day i have to think about it. there is nothing that i can now do to escape. my dad has also developed a bit of a mean streak. twice today he has intentionally said really cruel things to me. i know it is the cancer, but it is still mean. it still hurts. i know this cancer can change his personality, but every day i do so much for him, and i just get insults and meanness in return. my mom reminds me it is not my dad saying these things, it is the cancer, but that does not make the comments hurt less.
this whole week has just been very difficult. i have to see my moms sadness everyday and it hurts. i want to help her so much and make things better, but there is nothing i can do. there is nothing i can do about anything. i hope that as time goes on it will be easier, i hope.